I’ve never posted to one of these things, so I am new at this, but I don’t really know where else to turn for honest advice.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 years and we have been living together for 3 years – we are both 26 years old. He has been struggling with a drug problem for the past 4 years I would say. At first it was cocaine, which spun wildly out of control and led to him hanging out with awful people and having awful things happen to him. He was able to kick that, however he moved on to oxycontin a couple years ago. I think it is worth mentioning that he grew up with a severely alcoholic father, an enabling mother and siblings that never say anything about the situation (he is the only one to ever confront his father about his substance abuse problems). His own problem has gotten better, he has been seeing a therapist since last fall, has been really working on his problem and been more honest with me, but he still does slip up every few months.

I feel really conflicted about our relationship. I feel like I have so much love for him, as a person, and as my friend, and I really want him to get better… but I feel like the spark that was there before is snuffed out. Like maybe I am not “in love” with him anymore… like I have been disappointed one too many times.

Another terrible factor that I’ve thrown in is that I cheated on him about a month ago with someone I work with. I’ve never cheated before in our relationship – I had never even felt the urge to… but this person had been interested in me for a while, and for whatever reason, I felt a special connection to him. My boyfriend was going through another slip-up, and I think I just gave myself permission to slip up as well but in a different way. I know it is a horrible thing, and I am not trying to justify it… just trying to figure out my motivations.

Lately I have been feeling like I don’t know what to do. I feel like maybe I am outgrowing the relationship, or that I am just not able to depend on him since he is so unstable from the constant fight against drug-use. When things are good and he is more himself, I feel like everything is fine… but when they are bad I just feel so unhappy and don’t know what to do about it. It is so hard because we have been together for so long, and we live together, and I know that we want the same things out of life.

I’m just a mess basically. I am going overseas to get my master’s in the fall and I don’t know what to do about our relationship. I don’t want to end it, I don’t think, but I don’t know if that is just because I am scared of being alone.

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