My boyfriend and I have been dating for a good two years. It wasn't until recently things turned bitter. He developed a temper verbally and physically (shaking me, yanking me by the arm). and every conversation was spent arguing over something so silly.
This is the guy who knows absolutely every single little detail about me, and likewise to him I know everything about him. He told me to stick with him through his temper. Not only have I these past few months, but I find myself so frustrated and not capable of enduring this pain and keeping my mouth shut of criticism. Whether if it was nagging him about him not sending a text when he said he would, or not calling at 7 and instead calling at 3 am because he much rather take a nap and call while I'm trying to get rest for school. Am I wrong for criticising? He says he feels like he's never good enough, and might cross a boundary when he goes out.
The other night he called telling me our relationship needed to change before we start planning for our future (Moving in together, where we're going to live). I felt hurt and told him it seemed like he was about to dump me. He told me had it been any other girl, he'd have left her. But he's wanting to stick around and fix things because I'm different from the rest.
Yesterday was the first time we hadn't fought in two months. It felt incredible. We haven't spoken today as our schedules are usually filled with school and sleep. I feel hurt that he considered moving on from me. Yet maybe I should be happy he wants to stick around and fix things. The problem is, I don't know if I'm still in love with him. I feel like the butterflies that were around in the first year are hiding. I don't know if they'll come back, and I'm terrified they won't. Because I can't imagine a life without him. And I'm horrified at the idea he might not love me the same. I asked what he felt, and he said he loved me the same, but at the same time I don't know if he's just feeding me what I need/want to hear.
Thanks for reading, and for help!
Blumarine
7 For All Mankind
DKNY
You deserve so much better...
1It's so hard for me. I know with my heart that I can't move on, but logically I know I need to get out before things worsen.
It's just so difficult. When he's made my confidence go down the sh*tter, and I'm so insecure which I never was before I met him. It's like I can't leave even if I wanted to.
2You know in your heart that you can't move on? Don't underestimate yourself. You are more than capable of recovering from a broken relationship. Never tell yourself that even if you wanted to leave, you couldn't do it. That's rubbish. No person who makes you feel insecure could possibly deserve you. Somewhere out there is a guy who's going to adore you just the way you are and make you feel fantastic - don't let him get away because you're distracted by this bad egg!
3Hey, i just wanted to say that I know exactly where your coming from. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and a couple months and Im almost going through the same exact situation but the day he put his hands on me I made it clear that that was to never ever happen again or im leaving, andsince that day which was about 6 months ago it never did happen again. You see, when a guy feels like he's about to lose you his true feeling for you starts to show and if he really loove's you he'll realize what he has and how much he'll miss it if its gone. You have to scare him a little bit and let him know that he either changes his attitude and learn how to deal with his temper or your going to leave and find yourself a grownman and your going to stop settling for a little boy that throw temper tantrums.
In my relationship what was once a burning passionate relationship is now just a dim light. Sometmes im almost possitive that he doesnt love me anymore and you know what I do? I treat him exactly how he treats me, if he wants to be mean i'll be mean back. I know they say that two wrongs dont make a right but sometimes you have to show them that your not weak.
If you feel as though that your relationship is fixable the you stay there and fix it but you have to realize that it takes two people to fix a broken relationship, so if he's not willing to give a little imput then there's no point.
I wish you all the best and I hope something I said helped. If there's anything else i can help with, feel free to message me!
4i have to be honest, I can relate to some of what your saying as well. The person am I am with has never put his hands on me but we both have had acid words for one another and fought viciously. After I read your post, my heart reached out to you because the first comment said something that I hear from my mother and my friends all the time....You deserve so much better.
5I think that you both deserve so much better. And if you love one another you can work at becoming better people for one another. The physical stuff has to definatly never happen again or you should leave him. No questions asked.
I've been in my relationship for 8 years. I don't know how long you've been in yours, but if it's a considerable amount of time then butterflies are going to be expected to not just come out of the blue. That courtship period of the relationship is over. Nothing is new and you know all of one another's faults. So try to switch it up. Try new things.
I felt the way you felt and sometimes still do. Things have gotten alot better because we opened up the lines of communication to one another. We are honest about how the we feeling and try to check one another when we start to with the acid tounge. But Rome wasn't built in a day and sometimes we regress into old ways. Relationships take alot of F**in work. If you want to make it work you have to be willing to do that and be somewhat patient. Maybe a temporary break will help things. Thats what put me and my guy back on track. It made us realize that we wanted to fight for each other.
GOOD LUCK, I hope I helped you.
you guys do deserve much better. if anyone happens to pass by this thread again, i want to give an update. a few days after posting this for a good vent and feedback, i finally left him and stayed strong. though he wanted us to get back so long as we go on 'space'. i told him i wont wait around for him to fool around. since honestly, whats space really an excuse for.
after finally having him put behind me i realised, i didn't love him. and the person i did love throughout it all = my best friend, who has always been my personal guidance for the five years i've known him and who was right under my nose this whole time. and for the first time, i think i found the one. because for once, it all fell into the place. i realised that i didn't have to be shy anymore, since my best friend shared the same feelings i had always shared for him.
so remember, when things seem really bad, they usually get worse before better. but know this, bad things fall apart so that eventually better things can come together.
6Leave him. You'll feel relieved in the end.
7It's far past time to let go. Leaving is for the best. Good luck.
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