I'm lost and don't know what to do.

I just got out of a 3 year relationship this past Sunday. He ended it. We are young, still in college, but endured long distance for over a year. I was with him when he denied his father's financial help due to his over zealous desire to control him, he was there when my mother suffered a mental breakdown and CPS threatened to remove me from my home. I followed him to college, in a way, for he was the defining factor beyond scholarships in my decision.

We have seen one another through hard times and always managed to find solace in one another.

I am still completely in love with him and was living with him for the summer until my new apt became available.

He told me, when we broke up, that he was leaving me because he had lost himself along the way. He said he was so consumed by me and making me happy that he didn't keep anything for himself. He said he needed space to heal, but that there might be a chance in a couple of months.

I had made things worse during the relationship by being jealous of his time. He was torn between enjoying life and pleasing me. I would do anything to go back and alter my behavior. I didn't realize my failure until it was too late.

I tried to give him space, vacated the apt the next day, but I caved. I called him while he was out with his friends, which didn't go over well, and begged him to come back. The next morning we met, I brought him 3 dozen roses, and he said he couldn't give us another chance now, though there was a slight hope that in the future (3-4 months down the road) that we could try to start over.

Then we ended up, somehow, physically intimate and he warned me that it was only physical and nothing more. Yet, it didn't stop me.

I don't know what to do. I'm lost without him. I can't sleep, eat, or stop crying and it has been almost a week. He says he is still in love with me and can't stop thinking about me, but he says he can no longer vocalize these sentiments in an effort to allow them to dissipate. He says he doesn't have an interest in even testing the waters with other people and we have an agreement that when we feel ready to do that, we will call and discuss things first.

However, I can't keep myself busy enough to occupy my mind. We live in the same apt complex and I find myself wandering by his building every morning. I think about him every second of every day no matter what I'm doing. All I want to do is talk to him, but I know that will push him even farther away.

What should I do? Is it wrong to want to wait for him? Is there a chance he will come back? It hurts so badly I can barely breathe. I need help to get through this, I don't know or want to know how to live my life without him. We connected on every level and were madly devoted for our entire relationship.

Love This Email Print Facebook Stumble It! Report