Most men are totally un-romantic most of the time, so they need to be reminded every once and a while, but if you are constantly reminding your boyfriend that he should be appreciative of what he has and show it every once and a while, he obvuisly has something on his mind other than you that he deems more important.
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Cheese It!!

That sounded harsh ashley! LOL!

I have dated guys who never even bought a card for me and had an ex who showered me with poems, love letters, flowers ect..

Some men are just lame when it comes to this kind of stuff. I would put more value on your daily relationship give and take then on holidays / birthdays / etc. If you feel your emotional needs are being met in the relationship on the whole and you feel loved and valued.. that is way more important then a flower on a commercial holiday. You can always keep gently working on relaying the importance of romantic gestures on milestones.

I think the thing that bothered me the most about it is maybe the flower represented a little more than just a gift for v-day..

He doesnt put effort into things at all.. most of the time it seems like he does the bare minimum to keep me around..

anything i can do for him to make him happy i do.. or try to.. him.. he doesnt make an effort.. if its easy and he can EASILY do it.. like saying something to me.. he will.. but if he has to drive a block up the road he wont

and its ok ashley.. harsh advice is good! I appreciate it a lot!

and its ok ashley.. harsh advice is good! I appreciate it a lot!

I particularly don't consider important the whole flower/candy-buying deal. I just see it as a product of marketing to make us spend more and well, I am a rebel so I don't bite. Having said that, if the rest of your relationship makes you happy, if he is a considerate person, if he respects you and treats you the way you deserve, I would say that you are indeed over reacting. Love needs to be cultivated every single day, and that should be IMO what you should consider.
Now if he doesn't fulfill the above, then I would tell you to get the hell out and look for somebody more compatible, caring and loving.
You only deserve the very best, never settle for less --> Repeat a million times until it's engraved in your brain.

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* Happy V Day! *

I agree with Imabeliever - some men just don't get it!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, I've been married 3 years, together now for 7 and in all this time I got ONE single rose on our very 1st date. Yesterday, not even a card or chocolates and absolutely no flowers. And I hinted: had a pre-V-day dinner on Friday and put the red roses in our bathroom. Everyday I look at them saying, "aren't they lovely Hun? You know we should have flowers in the house more often...it is such a joy." Well he doesn't get the hint...yet! So I say: I can understand your being upset and no you are not overreacting, it is only natural to be disappointed. But concentrate on your relationship - your BF does love you and wants to marry you (OMG is that some weird way of proposing?!) but he has issues in showing it with worldly things and many men do. My hubby says he'd rather not celebrate holidays and instead show his love for me every day of the year...which he does sometimes, taking me out to dinner or spoiling me with my fave choc just out of the blue. Keep hinting and try to make him feel "bad/guilty" by giving HIM things without making a fuss about what YOU want...my hubby once rushed out to buy me a CD after I had given him a card & chocs for V-day!!! Good luck girl!

lol THANKS elleZA!!

Yea i dont get the whole thing about wanting to marry me...

weird thing is.. when we are out in public and we are meeting ppl for the first time or I am meeting someone for the first time.. he introduces me as his fiance..

I ask him WHY he does it because he has not asked me.. he said "because i consider you my fiance.. i mean we're practically married"... my response is.. "then why havent you asked?" he says because he doesnt have a ring..

It makes me uncomfortable having to explain to ppl that we're not engaged after he says that.. :-/

i dont get it

Shiloh.. its not so much the "flower".. its kindda what i explained to Ima... Read ^ there.. lol being lazy dont feel like typing it again!!

Christina my dear- he is showing himself to you, how he truly is. You don't seem to like it. And this is the time when he's supposed to be showing you his best side. If you marry him I promise you what little romance you get will be gone. The old adage "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" comes to mind here. You deserve better and you are settling for someone who doesn't treat you the way you would like to be treated. Some women don't need much "romance" and that's great but others need a little extra "love" and that's ok too. You have to decide if you are willing to put up with it for a lifetime of disappointment. That is if he ever decides to put a ring on your finger, which doesn't mean you have to say yes!!!

why are you so concerned about the material stuff? you should be thankful that he got u something. Plus flowers will just end up dying any way. or how are you guys sitting money wise? can he afford it?

I read what you wrote to Ima, Christina, and after reading the rest of the comments, I totally agree with superjules. This is not going to get better once you're married. You say it seems that he 'does the minimum to keep you around', do you truly believe this is what you deserve? Don't you want more of life? It appears that he has taken you for granted, and you don't sound happy. Maybe you should ask yourself if that is what you want in your future.
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* Happy V Day! *

lol.. dont worry TDyer.. your message didnt offend me.. but read the comments i explained its not the fact of him getting me a flower its the lack of effort with everything..

we are fine money wise.. i had asked for a flower from the gas station.. which is like 1-2 dollars.. but it was more so frustrating because of his lack of effort..

Shiloh.. Completely agree with you.. It just stinks.. I keep doing the whole "but i can change him" thing..

He has made LEAPS of improvement since we started dating.. he used to be terrible... but i dont know how long I can have a "project" instead of a boyfriend

hey i cant seem to figure out how to post a new thread .. not a comment. how do you do that?

@ the top in pink it says "create and share" click that.. chose what type of post you want to have.. blog, poll, etc.. then type it up and submit!

You know it's not about money or gifts or flowers. He could make you breakfast in bed, he could put your towel in the dryer while you're in the shower or so many other little things to show he cares. That means a lot more than a flower that you have to ask for. It means he's thinking about you and how to make you feel loved.

I completely agree super!!... its completely not about him going out and having to buy me something.. i would have been a WHOLE lot more excited about the whole thing if he would have wrote something sweet in the card.. just a little message in there .. to show he put SOME kind of effort into it.. not just oh.. its v-day let me go get a card and bascially just sign my name"

http://teamsugar.com/139620

It sounds to me like you're unhappy with the relationship in general. If you truly feel that you are the only one in this relationship who is giving and all he ever does is take, take, take I say kick him to the curb! Think of it this way you deserve to be happy and you CAN be happy. Why not spend your time with someone who puts just as much into the relationship as you do?

im usually very content with our relationship.. its just the occasions where a little extra would be nice.. just a LITLE extra.. and he doesnt do that

I didn't read the comments, I apologise if someone said this. But if they did, maybe it will just confirm it more.
I used to think that some guys just weren't into it, or just not that good at it. But now I think its a sign of selfishness in most. A flower isn't alot to ask for, and when you have to spell it out, it isn't any fun.

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"We're forced to bed, But we're free to dream" Gord Downie

Exactly Jinx- If you have to ask for it, it doesn't mean anything. You might as well buy it for yourself.

maybe i will.. lol and when he asks who got it for me.. ill tell him one of my guy friends from work felt bad because i didnt get ne thing.. loL!!!!!---totally just joking but that would be hilarious

Why are you joking? That's brilliant!

lol.. hmm... maaayyybeeee.. see jules ur gonna get me int rouble!!!

And you know that you cannot change him, right? People are not changed by others Christina, they do it all on their own when they decide they want to be different. But for what you say, he doesn't see anything wrong in the way he behaves towards you. Take a look at yourself and see how beautiful you are, why would you put up with somebody that doesn't fulfill your needs, who doesn't love you the way you want? It doesn't make sense, if you are not happy, it IS a waste of time.
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* me love u long time *

Yeah, I would be very hurt. Especially, when you said..he doesn't do anything unless it's convenient for him. He is not hearing that this kind of stuff is important to you. If, it were me..I wouldn't be with him. I need some one who pays attention to me, has a romantic side, and values what is important to me (these are just a few things I require - I'm not going to list all the things I require lol). I hate to say it but, I would cut my losses and get out. You deserve a guy, who will love you as much, as you love him. Because, it doesn't get better as the years go on...the things that irritate you now get 100 times worse (years later)..my mother-in-law says this. My hubby is on the phone with her (right now)..I just confirmed how much worse it gets (and it is 100 times worse). There are sooooo many guys out there, who will treat you how you want to be treated. I wish you all the best you deserve it.

well... thing is...guys aren't good with hints. i know because i'm wired like one. it's just like...if you don't tell me what you want when you want it...i just don't know. i wouldn't dump the guy cuz he obviously cares- i think that writing a card like that would be harder than buying a flower for most guys. i would do what a lot of women have trouble doing...be direct and honest but don't attack him. just say you appreciate the card and all the thought and effort he put into it, but that you feel kinda hurt because you really wanted a flower. and that it's not about spending money on you..it's just that flowers mean something to you...and that you're not mad at him, but that in the future- you'd really like a flower or flowers on special occaisions because they hold the same kind of meaning for you as what he said in that card. if then the dumbass doesn't buy you flowers - then you have my permission to dump him. but i think women expect men to just know what they want and guys just aren't that intuitive. just like you have to tell people what you want for christmas...you have to tell them what you need to make you feel loved on special occaisions. that's all.

if he really HAS changed alot for the better (and probably under your influence) then maybe it should be enough that he's making an effort to try to change? some guys just dont bother even TRYING. IMO, at least he got you a card girl!

i can understand hw you're pretty content with the relationship, but occassionally certain things just irk you like mad. just like this flower incident. why dont you sit him down and tell him str8 up that you really wanted tt dang flower!! if you're ok with doing other stuff to show tt he cares, then i think the card was pretty much the "other stuff" LOL

also, maybe he just wrote down that its odd cos he feels embarrassed about being up front about his feelings? saying iloveyou on every other day and saying iloveyou on V-day might have more significance to him i guess?

i dunno, talk it out girl, but dont make yourself more upset than you already are!

I hate to say it, but I agree with Shiloh here. This is the time when he's showing his best to you. Granted, many guys are not good at the flowers and gifts thing, but Valentine's Day is hard to forget. Reminders are everywhere!

I guess it's really up to you. If this kind of thing is important to you and he doesn't respond to your pretty direct hints, you will have a lifetime of being frustrated by this behavior. But if you can come to terms with it and you're happy in most other ways, as you say you are, then just try to accept it's how he is and how things are going to be.

But I'm sorry for you that you were disappointed. That's lousy on Valentine's Day.

I agree beach, if it irritates you now, it's going to be a hundred times worse in years to come.
I don't really agree with the not wired for hints theory in this case. Its Valentines day, like someone said you can't forget Valentines day, its everywhere. And lets face it flowers are standard for Valentines, its so easy, its almost a cop out. lol

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"We're forced to bed, But we're free to dream" Gord Downie

aww thank you guys SOO much for all of your input .. i really appreciate it!!!

and update!!!! last night i got home and he had a rose for me!!! cute!!

im so glad christina!! see, he really IS making an effort!

yeeaa yaa.. seriously hes made a complete 180 from where he used to be.. but theres still little things i need to break him of.. just sucks sometimes having a "project" boyfriend ya know? I guess it keeps things entertaining..

Christina, I'm glad you got your flower. It sounds like he is starting to understand you!!

hahaha..how bout being taking him just like that?

its slow and steady girl, you guys will get there one day

its been 3 1/2 years!!! lol.. LIVING together for 3 years .. no but really we have made HUUUGE progress

hahahaha, then you just need another 3.5 years!

thats great, i know how tough it must be!!

Most men are not naturally gifted in the 'romantic-sensitive-thoughtful' kind of way, and need to be trained, molded, and supervised. I've found that hints don't always work and straightforward demanding actually works better. You don't have to be angry or bitter about it, just say straightforwardly, You know, this Valentine's day, I want flowers and chocolates. I really want that-- can you do that for me? I prefer white/red/pink roses/tulips/lilies. In my experience, guys are pretty ok with fulfilling less complicated requests (even if they think they are stupid or a waste of money) - just have to tell them how important it is to you and spell it out for them to get them started.

I gotta say, the 'card training' is the hardest part. If he's already getting you a card, that is one big hurdle down!

yeaaa i dont wanna have to TELL him what i want.. kindda takes the excitement outta it

Then does he have a good friend you can use to channel your hints? (I'm happy you got a rose already!)

Honestly though, if you are going to wait until he wakes up one day as a romantic, you might wait forever. And chances of that happening as time goes on and after marriage are even worse!

Does he give you flowers or do anything special on your bday? Or are you just wishing he was more into Vday commercialism?

no i just wish he would do stuff because he wants to do stuff thats sweet like that.. on any holiday.. or random days..... i LOOOVE valentine day.. and he may not necessarily like it.. but i love it.. and he should want to do something just to see me happy.. kindda like the stuff i do for him.. but i know i know.. not all ppl are like that.. and if hes like that now i need to deal with it.. but hes learning.. slowly but surely

http://teamsugar.com/139620?page=0#comment-569455

Definitely keep 'encouraging' him with positive feedback! He'll love seeing you smile and your positive responses! In the interim, I hope he's appreciating your nice gestures too, and not taking those for granted, b/c if he really understand the efforts you make, he should want to reciprocate Good luck!!

Yippee! See, he DOES care but like I said - men are totally dumb at these things...sometimes you have to spell it out! And eventually it'll sink in - my collegue (married 10y, 2y old boy) got a spa-voucher from her hubby, totally unexpected. My sister (married 11y, 6y old daughter) got a heart-shaped choc cake AND red roses......yeah, men are just S-L-O-W. They figure we know that they love us and we girls need to be shown!!!! Well I'm glad for the flower and pls don't even consider to break off your relationship - 3 1/2 years is an investment and he HAS changed...Hope he will soon put his money where his mouth is and make this "engagement" he speaks of OFFICIAL!! Best wishes

thats an entiiiiiiiirely diff. post.. lol! actually i think ill post about it now!

Engagement!!!! Just the word excites me. Fiance is a word reserved for the real deal! But yeah.... like you said.. a different post altogther.. Haha Good point elleza, 3 1/2 years is most definitely an investment.

Good luck sounds like he is changing for the better.

I would not get to upset.