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golddust32 So lost Jul 9, 2009 4:28 PM I am in an impossible situation and really have nowhere to turn. If you have any advice, experience, or suggestions please let me know! I have been dating my boyfriend (let's call him Steven) for about two and a half years, but we have lived together for just under a year. He is absolutely wonderful, he treats me like a queen and I could not picture a better person to spend my life with. However, my sexual attraction to him has gone from dwindling to practically non-existent within this past year of living together. He is a great looking guy and whereas I used to find him very sexy, I now just look at him as my best friend who I sometimes sleep with, rather than my lover that is also my best friend. Insert issue number two: I am, however, incredibly attracted to someone else, let's call him Michael. We dated briefly in college but went home for summer vacation and both came back with significant others; basically we have always had strong chemistry and been great friends, but our timing has never been right. I have been seeing Michael (who is not dating anyone now) a lot lately when we are out with mutual friends, and when Steven was away this past weekend, I saw a lot of Michael. There was absolutely no cheating but it was clear to both of us that the attraction was very much still there, and I began to fill giddy again. I have not been so excited and attracted to someone in so long and I am having serious doubts about the relationship that I am currently in with Steven. Michael and I have talked and I have asked him to please give me my time to figure out what I need for MYSELF - and it very well may not include him. But I haven't slept in five days and my stomach is in knots, he's constantly in my dreams and in my head at all times. After my fabulous (but no cheating!) weekend, I told Steven that I was having doubts and that I was unhappy. He was shocked and devastated, asking me what more he could do, what did I need from him, he would give me whatever I wanted. This only made me feel more guilty. I just cannot stand to hurt him because he truly deserves a woman who loves him 100% - and I don't know if I am that person anymore. I've spoken to a lot of my older and married friends, who tell me that around the 2 1/2 year mark comes the "disillusionment phase" where you have to make a real effort to care about your significant other...and that if I leave Steven for Michael, 2 1/2 years into a relationship with Michael I will be in the exact same position. I wake up every day with my mind set to "tell Steven it's really over" and go to bed in Steven's arms telling myself that I am crazy to leave such a good man. I know the only person who can really decide what to do is me, but any suggestions/advice/ANYTHING would truly be appreciated. Both are GREAT guys - who would have ever thought that deciding between two great guys would be so heartbreaking?
taggart Should I leave - boyfriend with drug issues Jun 30, 2009 8:06 AM I’ve never posted to one of these things, so I am new at this, but I don’t really know where else to turn for honest advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 years and we have been living together for 3 years – we are both 26 years old. He has been struggling with a drug problem for the past 4 years I would say. At first it was cocaine, which spun wildly out of control and led to him hanging out with awful people and having awful things happen to him. He was able to kick that, however he moved on to oxycontin a couple years ago. I think it is worth mentioning that he grew up with a severely alcoholic father, an enabling mother and siblings that never say anything about the situation (he is the only one to ever confront his father about his substance abuse problems). His own problem has gotten better, he has been seeing a therapist since last fall, has been really working on his problem and been more honest with me, but he still does slip up every few months. I feel really conflicted about our relationship. I feel like I have so much love for him, as a person, and as my friend, and I really want him to get better… but I feel like the spark that was there before is snuffed out. Like maybe I am not “in love” with him anymore… like I have been disappointed one too many times. Another terrible factor that I’ve thrown in is that I cheated on him about a month ago with someone I work with. I’ve never cheated before in our relationship – I had never even felt the urge to… but this person had been interested in me for a while, and for whatever reason, I felt a special connection to him. My boyfriend was going through another slip-up, and I think I just gave myself permission to slip up as well but in a different way. I know it is a horrible thing, and I am not trying to justify it… just trying to figure out my motivations. Lately I have been feeling like I don’t know what to do. I feel like maybe I am outgrowing the relationship, or that I am just not able to depend on him since he is so unstable from the constant fight against drug-use. When things are good and he is more himself, I feel like everything is fine… but when they are bad I just feel so unhappy and don’t know what to do about it. It is so hard because we have been together for so long, and we live together, and I know that we want the same things out of life. I’m just a mess basically. I am going overseas to get my master’s in the fall and I don’t know what to do about our relationship. I don’t want to end it, I don’t think, but I don’t know if that is just because I am scared of being alone.
helpmeplease Should I leave him Mar 31, 2009 10:18 AM I have been living with my partner for almost 3 years, and we've been together for almost 4. We've made a nice home for ourselves but recently he told me he doesn't want to have children. Ever. I've always been vocal about my want to have children and in the past we've joked about it. But this was different and he won't change his mind. I really don't know what to do. I can't just move out as I have no-where to go. I have 3 pets that I will take with me so anywhere I go need to accept them too. I've considered just putting up with it, but the more I think about it I know that this relationship cannot go anywhere. I won't marry him or get a mortgage with him so I know i need to move on but I just can't seem to get anywhere and I wont leave without my animals. Silly I know, but if i leave he'd forget to feed them. I really need some advice on this as i'm totally stuck on what to do.
mrs brightside should I stay with him? Feb 9, 2009 5:04 PM My boyfriend and I have been dating for a good two years. It wasn't until recently things turned bitter. He developed a temper verbally and physically (shaking me, yanking me by the arm). and every conversation was spent arguing over something so silly. This is the guy who knows absolutely every single little detail about me, and likewise to him I know everything about him. He told me to stick with him through his temper. Not only have I these past few months, but I find myself so frustrated and not capable of enduring this pain and keeping my mouth shut of criticism. Whether if it was nagging him about him not sending a text when he said he would, or not calling at 7 and instead calling at 3 am because he much rather take a nap and call while I'm trying to get rest for school. Am I wrong for criticising? He says he feels like he's never good enough, and might cross a boundary when he goes out. The other night he called telling me our relationship needed to change before we start planning for our future (Moving in together, where we're going to live). I felt hurt and told him it seemed like he was about to dump me. He told me had it been any other girl, he'd have left her. But he's wanting to stick around and fix things because I'm different from the rest. Yesterday was the first time we hadn't fought in two months. It felt incredible. We haven't spoken today as our schedules are usually filled with school and sleep. I feel hurt that he considered moving on from me. Yet maybe I should be happy he wants to stick around and fix things. The problem is, I don't know if I'm still in love with him. I feel like the butterflies that were around in the first year are hiding. I don't know if they'll come back, and I'm terrified they won't. Because I can't imagine a life without him. And I'm horrified at the idea he might not love me the same. I asked what he felt, and he said he loved me the same, but at the same time I don't know if he's just feeding me what I need/want to hear. Thanks for reading, and for help!
esw Should I be going crazy? Jan 12, 2009 3:02 PM I live with my parents and I absolutely hate it here. I have a job but they cut my hours, so now I am looking for another one. I have to move or I am going to have an aneurysm. I have already started looking at places just to get an idea of how much I need to save up to leave. Though I am only nineteen, I feel like I have been here much too long and I am ready to be on my own. I guess it all started when I came home from college. By then I was already used to being on my own and doing what I want. So to be back here again is like taking five steps back. I can not even imagine how I dealt with living here before. And I know many people may have it much worse than me-- I am very thankful and grateful of my parents and the things I have. It just pains me to stay here. I am the only child so I am used to being on my own. I would rather get a place to myself but I know that it would be wiser to split the rent with a roomie. But being here just really makes me want to be alone. My parents act as if they do not want me to go even though they say they understand my strong desire to be on my own. They keep making comments about how "hard" it is out there and how they do not want to see me struggling. I know it won't be easy, but it is also not so hard and complicated either. The longer I stay, the more I hate my life. I hate it here and just gotta go--. How am I supposed to cope??

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Started Feb 15, 2007
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Ever feel like you over reacted about something? Ever wonder if you SHOULD have reacted about a situation?Ever think.. Am I the only person that would be mad?